I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
