So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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