There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Randomize
