Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
