Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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