she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
