Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
