does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
