Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
