I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
