Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
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