Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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