So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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