Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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