Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
