last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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