3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
