Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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