bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
