i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
