Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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