I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Randomize
