My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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