11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
