Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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