my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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