don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
My bed smells like the plague
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
