I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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