i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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