it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
