if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm passing your future prison.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
