I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
