I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
