apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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