So drunk its hurt
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
