on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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