1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
