if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
