i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
