Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
