What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
