whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My liver just had a heart attack.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
