i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
