and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
