Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
