People with herpes should wear stickers.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
