Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
