You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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