That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
