i don't like sucking hair
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
