Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
