just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
